Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Dryer Findings

In addition to the usual - enough ponytail holders to hold every one of Rockette's hairdos firmly in place, and enough change to buy a packet of ponytail holders - here are 2 interesting dryer findings:

1. A keychain with Nadav's picture on the front and the words, "Tamid itach/always with you" on the back. Which? Oh God, really? ALWAYS? I find this a threatening, not heartwarming message. Kind of like a dire warning which will be acted upon later when I try to pee alone and have to explain AGAIN why mommies can't do it standing up. Also, the keychain popping up suddenly in unexpected places is not helping me feel any love toward this particular gan creation. (On my night table! On the floor! On a dresser! Next to my cup of coffee! In my skirt pock - AHA! Now I understand how it got to the dryer).

2. A stick of gum. It proved surprisingly resilient after going through the washer and dryer cycles, retaining its shape instead of melting and sticky-fying the rest of the wash. Which makes me:
a. Grateful and
b. A little alarmed and wondering if gum is really a thing I should be allowing my family to place in their mouths.

(Because, Life Lesson, kids: things that go through the wash unscathed - clothes, ponytail holders, change, action figures, rocks - are usually not things you should be eating.)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Something Slowly This Way Comes

So a few months ago I started running. (Because of, you know, all the cookies.)

I will now answer some FAQs about my running:

Q. Whaaaaaa???? [This was from my parents.] (This came as a surprise to them because my main goal in life is to sit on the couch in pajamas eating cookies and watching TV, and the only reason I even exercise at all is because on the elliptical, I can at least do the last part).

A. Yes, running.

Q. So, you're a "runner?"

A. No, I am not "a runner." People who are "runners" are usually:
1. Training for some type of marathon
2. Fast

I am neither of those things.

Q. How can we know you're telling the truth about this "running?" It's not like you ever post it on Facebook.

A. I don't post my runs or times on Facebook, because:
1. I am rather slow
2. I don't get very far (although if you hear of any good 2Ks, lemme know)

So I keep it offline, because posting my times on Facebook would be the equivalent of saying, "Hey everyone, look how awkward and uncomfortable my kid looks here!" or, "Look at this soggy pie I made!"

Q. Do you pass people on the right or on the left?

A. Well, I don't really have to worry, since usually I am the one being passed. In fact, the only people I pass are:
1. Going in the opposite direction
2. Stopped on the side of the road to let their dog pee
3. Older couples who are taking a leisurely stroll holding hands

Q. When do you run?
A. I run early, at like 5:30 in the morning, for the inspiring reason of "I like to get exercise over and done with first thing." Also, also it's cool then. Also, at 5:30 a.m. there are very few people out that can see me running. This is important. Running Me is not the sort of rapturous beauty over whom wars are fought. When the great minds at Maxim are discussing their next magazine cover, I'm pretty sure no one exclaims,"Hey, I got it! Sweaty woman in mid-30s huffing down the road in baggy swim skirt and old t-shirt!"

Q. Can I run with you?
A. Yes. Just don't look.

First, a pre-announcement announcement: I am going to talk about charity and something other than myself, so hold on.
Now, back to our Announcement:
Someone who IS training for a marathon is none other than my own husband and infrequent-ABA contributor Donny. He is running the Jerusalem Marathon as part of the Crossroads Jerusalem team. (I'm waiting for them to open a 2K option before I join). If you want to join or sponsor, get in touch with me or sign up on Crossroads' website. Bonus: If you live in Modiin, Donny will even train with you, though you may end up cursing him out. Don't worry, you won't be the first.